please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
