I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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