Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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