I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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