Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
