these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
