My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Be still, my beating vagina.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
