Screwed.edu
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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