do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
