I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
