you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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