Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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