mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
