the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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