It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
