this beer tastes like vomit already
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
