my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
