apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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