I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize