just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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