I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
