you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
