just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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