My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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