this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize