Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
