I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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