farters have to be the big spoon...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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