I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize