made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
