My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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