the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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