Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
