this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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