There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
