I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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