even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
