I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
