sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize