The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
