ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
