I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
