I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think my moral compass just broke
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
