I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
