I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
