I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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