Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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