at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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