I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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