you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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