We named our party play list daddy issues
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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