The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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