no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
