i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
