you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
