My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
