Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
