Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
