You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
