Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
