i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
