she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize