its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize