Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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