well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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