coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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