omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
