I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
