Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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