if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
