I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize