i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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