That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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