She's JV to your varsity
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
