i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We are all done wearing pants today
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize