ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
