omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
