He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
