I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
