I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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