In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
