i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
