Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
