I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
