cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
