Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize