proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
