he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
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