Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
