i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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