I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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