We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
