We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
