Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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