Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no you cant smoke seaweed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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