Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
