This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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