The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
