Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
