you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
