i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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