my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize