I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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