Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
