Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
