We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just high enough for therapy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
