wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
