I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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